I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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