Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
