i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
