Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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