Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
