Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
