How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We left the knife in your bed.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
