I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
