I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
