My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.