seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH