just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
