I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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