It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
