I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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