i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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