mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
