My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Your penis caused this!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
