i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
