and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
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he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
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You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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