I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
