Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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