Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
