We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
