even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
