Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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