I am full of burrito and curiosity
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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