Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
