he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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