first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
