So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
