Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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