A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
