I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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