my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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