we were pretty classy up until the second keg
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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