dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize