Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
