I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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