After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
