What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
