I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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