I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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