Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we're chasing vodka with high fives
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
