every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
