There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
