after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize