I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
