Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
