Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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