beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
