well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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