I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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