Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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