the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
