we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
