Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
