I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
