Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
