glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
