soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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