Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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