So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
