Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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