oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
