i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
