The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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