thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
