so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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