My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
