Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
