Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
