Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
