I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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