i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
